Soup, Dessert and everything else in between

So Long

2008-08-05T13:04:00.009Z

This is my most favourite piece of jewellery.
It is made out of cement and steel and has the word HUMANITY embossed on top.

I often wax lyrical about what the ring means to me, trying my best to make some philosophical sense. It is what is it and so much more.

Humanity set in concrete.
Perfect from the onset.
Cracks and lines forming over time.
Physically- expansion and contraction.
Metaphysically- flaws and weaknesses.
No two rings are ever alike,
concrete darkening over time,
Humanity forming its character.
Everchanging, ever flawed,
but distinct
and beautiful.

Three years ago, I lost my faith in humanity, but maintained a sliver of hope, that one day, I would once again remember why it was I loved people and their flaws. I am slowly healing, remembering. This space has seen me though the tail end of a second degree and the beginning of a second major career change. I have grown since starting here, weathered, loved, lost, reclused, opened, evolved. I never quite knew what direction I wanted to take with this blog, probably a clear indication of my state of mind, transient and fleeting.

Scared as I may be, I have worked long and hard to arrive at this juncture in my life, for medical school, for the promise it holds, for one day being able to do more than be a bystander when a friend's grandfather-in-law has a heart attack, for being able to eventually learn the skills to heal, to cure and provide comfort, relief. I am moving because I no longer embody certain elements of who I interpreted as sideshowjo back in January 2007, I took control of my life and took steps to fulfill my childhood dream, I may have finally found my calling, possibly, at long last.

It is fitting that this should be my last post here at sideshowjo. I hold the changing face of humanity in my hands, no matter how flawed or dark it may be, I look upon it with fondness and hope, that one day, I can contribute to its changing facets and hopefully, artfully craft it and shape it for the better.

I wish you all well, and I thank the few of you who have come by every so often, your encouragement and words of wisdom will not be forgotten.

Thank you, and goodbye.

What a ride it has been, what a ride.

Lemons

2008-08-04T16:08:00.007Z

Lemon tarts
Lemon frosting
Lemon cakes
Lemonade
Lemon curd
Lemon sweets

I cannot get enough of the tangy goodness, even writing about it is making me reflex salivate.

Need
Lemon
Fix
Now.

Grandma

2008-07-28T06:29:00.002Z

Public toilets were extremely difficult to come by in Prague and I was told, in most of Europe. It costs about 1 SGD for a visit and generally have old ladies minding the entrances.

News!

2008-07-25T08:59:00.001Z

I am finding it very difficult to eloquently express the stew of emotions I am feeling at the moment but I think one can pretty much surmise the wreck that I am from the first page of this letter.

I am oscillating between squealing like a banshee on crack and crumbling like bits on a cookie tower sundae.

Elated and heart broken.
Relieved and scared out of my mind.

After some soul searching, have decided to send off the acceptance, along with the big fat mutherf**ing bank draft. For the love of God! Does it cost that much to learn how to insert IVs and administer paracetamol? Soon you will all be barraged with useless medical school stories and the various methodical methods of shooting up caffeine and eventually, painless suicide. The joy!

All systems go from here

Bring on the junk!

2008-06-30T16:18:00.008Z

I just polished off a large packet of Tao Kay Noi and three packets of Pocky crunch alongside the sarcasm of Dr. House. Mother superior is out of town with daddy-o in tow, their departure heralds the availability of EVIL WHITE BREAD, EVIL WHITE RICE, EVIL FULL FAT MILK and copious amounts of snacks. Ahhhhh the smell of cheezel dust crusted fingers when I wake in the morning brings such delight. Two glorious weeks of junk and living in my own filth.

PS: I really miss the resident fat cat that used to roam our estate in search of his next snack. He was such a comforting sight. Where are you cat?

Gobbledigook by Sigur Rós

2008-06-13T09:15:00.001Z

Joyous reckless abandon! Not to mention lots of nekkidness and touching. Nyum Nyum. Still daunted by the prospect of attending the Latitude Festival in Suffolk alone come July, but for Sigur Ros, I will crawl out of my shell.

For free streaming of their new album head to sigurros.com

Angry Pants

2008-06-13T07:15:00.000Z

'In the American visa I am not allowed to smile. I look angry in the picture. I now know why all those terrorist pictures on tv always show them looking disgruntled.'

-Joshua

Sigur Ros the cause

2008-06-10T09:13:00.003Z

The artwork of their new album and their new tracks encapsulates where I am at this point of my life, seems like their musical growth and development is congruent with the story of my life, either that or the scary obsessed fan in me is speaking! (She’s got crazy eyes!)

June

I cut my hair, getting rid of the extra weight, in many ways (No, that does not include losing 20 pounds)

I have finally found a character which I can hopefully develop. One day I will stay in a house with my favourite person, our cat and dog and a lawn full of gnomes, having built my empire with said character. Daikon Man, make way!

I also have a new bicycle and am enjoying riding it very much, yes, it has a basket and a bell.

I miss my kinder self, back in the days when the smell of humanity was not repugnant.

uh oh take photo

2008-05-13T16:10:00.000Z

“Are you bringing your Lomo to Bangkok?”

“Ya, but the bastard is temperamental.”

I don’t know what to take with me on holidays these days, not that the options are plenty:

1 old IXUS 500
1 temperamental LOMO LCA
1 panoramic Olympus Filem camera

Back to the whole camera thing, I should just get myself a digital SLR. But the technicalities! f-stop, shutter speed, ISO, aperture priority, Jesus, can’t they just make a simple camera for lazy idiots like myself?

Instead of having to f-stop down or up, replace it with a scale from 1-10, with 10 being ‘Make hole super bigger, let many light in’, 1 being ‘Make hole very small, let little light in’.

Instead of shutter speed, have a dial allowing you to control if you want ‘Open longer!’ or ‘Open shorter!’

What’s with all these fractions and decimal points? INTEGERS people! Integers! Big and small, less and more! Simple!

Okay I know...just have to hunker down and learn it all, yet another thing to learn.

Girl Things

2008-05-11T04:09:00.003Z

Where can I find a bicycle like this. WHERE!

She makes (what I presume to be) Ray-Bans look like a million bucks.

Photos from The Sartorialist.

Smile to far away land

2008-05-10T16:54:00.005Z

In 4 days time we can say Hello 'City of Angels! Hello again summer of 2002! Remember to bring sunscreen and hats!

I have come to the realisation that I have become one of those umbrella toting 'Aunties' who perpetually reek of sunscreen on hot sunny days. The hamster and I used to bake ourselves silly during the height of Australian summers, but those days are long gone for me. Learning about the harmful effects of prolonged sun exposure and listening to the famous local media whore pasty lizard skin coloured plastic surgeon remind his chi chi clientle that sun ages ones skin was impetus for me to begin my sun dodging activities. I still have those awful tanlines on my shoulders from a year and a half ago when we went to Perth because I got complacent with sunscren and slapped it on lazily, covering only as far as my fingers could reach. Needless to say, I was left with a crusty tan outline of my pudgy fingers on both shoulders as the only souveniers from the trip. Nice.
Sun and Jo is not a happy Jo no more. I have become an aunty.

Sod off!

2008-04-21T13:23:00.003Z

I have been very angsty this past 2-3 weeks, and the only reason I can peg my anger to and me suddenly rattling of foul language like a loose cannon is my growing resentment and lack of respect for my down right lousy boss.

These are examples of the kind of toxic sarcastic things she says to her "team"

"You guys do all the work and I will just turn up onsite to get the credit"
"I honestly doubt how genuine your timesheet is"
"I hope you are not going to take any more time off or sick leave"
"Just hire a few more account executives to put up signs"

I am so pissed. And I now have the down right arsed luck to have to work with her on a particular project, very very closely. The client is a long time friend of hers, and instead of guiding me and including me in their correspondence so I am up to date with the progress, she opts to take everything offline and only when I send an e-mail reminding the client to deliever things to us by the stipulated time does she pipe and say something, copying in the client making me look like a fool. Both her and our business development manager do this, like a frikin tag team.

I am sick of this, as she has done this to me before, and only backed off when I told her that I felt that her butting in made it seem like our office has poor internal communication. I feel that I cannot grow under this woman. She is approaching retirement and just wants to gain personal glory and build a substantial nest egg for her single sorry divorced self. She does not care at all for her team and is so narrow minded that she only has the interests of ONE client at heart, that of ther friend, neglecting and under resourcing the rest of the teams until one of the managers had to literally beg for staff.

She is by far, the fucking worst boss I have ever come across, and not only that, she plays favourites in the office, woo hoo... you have succesfully demoralized everyone you frickin turd.

That's it, I'm sending in my resume to all those jobs I've book marked last week on jobsdb.

Yes, it has come to a point where I am now surfing job sites in the office.

What a bitch.

2008-04-20T15:12:00.003Z

Mid May: Bangkok- for pleasure
End May: Seoul- for work
Mid July: London & Prague- for pleasure

This also means I am going to be spendng every cent of my monthly paycheck.

Like that how.

Morbido Weirdo

2008-04-16T05:33:00.005Z

About a year ago I contemplated long and hard about whether I should take up a job at a morgue. Of course the fact that I was actually seriously considering the post made my coursemates recoil in horror and disgust, and which no doubt, did nothing to improve my social standing in the class because subsequently, they started to speak to me in hushed tones almost like I was going to whip out a chainsaw and rip them to shreds or disect them just for fun (hmmmm).

One of my coursemates made it a point to tell me that morgue workers in Singapore were predominantly Indian nationals with only a handful of locals taking up the job, which I suppose played a big part in me deciding that it probably was a foolish idea after all.

What can I say, I am absolutely fascinated with anatomy, anatomy in some sort of grotesque artistic sense, the intricate workings of the human body and in particular, our individual thresholds for pain and suffering. I also find the minds of serial killers, sado masochists, paedophiles, self flagellists, cannibals, pathological torturers, extremely fascinating, you get the drift.

Through the course of the year, I have begun to realise that these...interests...of mine should be kept a little more private, because any mention of it seems to evoke some nervous laughter or comments along the lines of 'eee Jo...you are so morbid'.

Perhaps apperances should be kept up for some normality.

The 2nd Quarter

2008-04-07T10:09:00.007Z

April is when I will get to stay grounded in Singapore for an entire month, I am absolutely looking forward to it.
Everyone in the office has been stretched really thin this first quarter and things are not letting up in the second quarter.
I just hope this equates to a BIG fat bonus and some other incentives. Ha. Like that would ever happen.

SEOUL
Work wise: 6 days of absolute torture! The two lasses I was with kept my sanity in check, them and the dinners we had, beer and shoju (sake equivilant). The one night that was particularly difficult for me was when we were holed up after the madness of the day, sleep deprived, cold and hungry, collating 1000 meeting folders by hand. I had to dig deep for inner strength. This trip was also the one trip when I blew up at a poor AV technician who was caught in the crossfire of the mini war I was having with his manager. I have always promised myself that fuck ups and emergencies on site can be dealt with with grace, integrity, compassion and fortitude. My tolerance threshold for 'rolling with the punches' was however, breeched this time round, and I only remember getting really hot and light headed and repeating "This is not acceptable!" a few times over.

I will not let this happen again.

Play wise: Lump came up for 5 and a half days for a bit of play after a month of busyness on both our ends and we explored Seoul in 3 and a half. These will be written over the next few posts, because the individual experiences are deserving of an entry each. Wow wee. Oscar the Octopusss, I will do your death justice and write of your legacy!

Best memory of SeoulSteaming hot bowls of Nong Shin noodles with one egg cracked in eaten on a particularly cold night, in a make shift street side hawker tent with my most favourite person.

Now, THAT is what it's all about.

Ich werde da sein, wenn du stirbst

2008-03-11T15:07:00.006Z

In 1999 on a very unexciting long train ride from our school in East Sussex to London, a close boarding school mate and I made a pact to start a pub in England should we both be single and miserable later on in our years. This mate however, met the love of her life while she was studying politics in Vienna, it was then that I very happily said goodbye to our pub pact. Unfortunately life had other plans, because just as soon as she had found the love of her life, she lost him to cancer a few years later. Marie-Sophie mourned and grieved through writing, reliving the entire experience and walking their journey a thousand times over in her mind. I cannot imagine anything more painful and beautiful both at the same time, almost cinematic, the parallel of a grief stricken Christian writing 'The Moulin Rouge' in his dusty attic. Marie-Sophie's writing has now materialized in the form of "Ich werde da sein, wenn du stirbst", "I will be there when you die", and all I can say is, "Isi, Herzlichen Glückwunsch!" and have it translated into english woman!

Wishing and Wondering

2008-03-08T16:10:00.004Z

1. I saw a young lady carry a Anya Hindmarch 'I am not a plastic bag' grocery tote in the supermarket near my home today. I was excited and happy to see an environmentally conscious Singaporean amisdt the flurry of plastic bagging that is a constant sight at the end of almost every checkout line in our local supermarkets. But then! She took her wallet out of her 'I am not a plastic bag' tote and I saw that in actual fact, whe was paying for her stuff which was contained in 5 plastic bags, double bagged no less, and it seems, the tote was just something trendy for her to carry her personal effects in. I'm sorry, but that just goes against everything the tote stands for does it not? This is just as bad as someone flashing their headlights and honking their horn impatiently while displaying a 'I'm a Christian! Are you?' bumper sticker.

2. The Oxford Bodleain library is now open to public. OMFG.

2008-03-08T02:29:00.003Z

My brother has secured himself a place in a US universty to gain an American perspective in International Relations, through their Masters Programme. He is so deliriously happy, furnishing us with statistics from 2006, where 900 applicants fought for 90 places in the programme.

Congratulations dear boy!
You've done it again.

Courage

2008-03-03T14:37:00.002Z

You had to courage to do what deep down I have been wanting to do for a long time.
I looked at you, liberated, and the voice that reminded me of that desire resonated even louder in the hollowness of my being.

May you fly and achieve everything you've ever dreamed of, one day, I'll find the courage too, one day before I loose who I am, who I could be.

Things are just not how they seem anymore.

Thoughts

2008-02-29T08:04:00.002Z

1) I have about had it with the young bitchy stewardesses who serve our home grown international airline
2) The apartheid years still lurks in the bowles of some bastard South Africans
3) Black townships are heartbreaking
4) When given wine in small excess, anyone will let their hair down, even eminent professors
5) There is no place like home

Cupid ought to be shot in his own arse for a change, the sadist

2008-02-18T14:49:00.007Z

"Valentine's Day isn't very big in Singapore, hey?" My colleague from America commented after telling me of his grand plans of fine french dining with his girlfriend who was down for a visit.

"Yeah, not so much a big deal in Asia, really"

Hope everyone had fun.

I'll just like to mark this day down as the day I received my first piece of ludicrously overpriced silver accessory with cult status and perceived value so stong, the packaging alone is capable of causing recepient heart papitations and giddy heady feelings of wonderment and joy.

Why like that? Can eat meh? This piece of thing?

Nevertheless, I love it, I love the thoughtfulness of it, and the person more so than the item.
I suppose it is Valentine's afterall, time for good o'l frivolous romance, good time to milk pockets, raise expectations and for some people, get married in the Singapore flyer.

I miss my brother

2008-02-15T02:01:00.000Z

Gnome Print

2008-02-13T03:57:00.004Z

I received Sara Harvey's gnome print from her whimsical lawn ornamets series. Sara even threw in 2 berd buttons as a surprise, complete with hand written card. Thank you Sara! This has really made my day. Hop! Skip! La La La!

Classic

2008-02-12T15:07:00.000Z

Progress

2008-02-10T12:22:00.000Z

The advent of the internet allowed for the beauty of the online version of the academic journal archiving system of today, I remember when I was in uni, considerable amount of my time was spent surfing and looking up relavent journal articles for assignments (what was it, a mininum of ten journal articles for a 8 page laboratory report?), sometimes having to read 30 journals and then skinny the information down for a literature review or presentation, in retrospect, a process I rather enjoyed.

My current job requires me to look up scientific journals on occasion and it brings back fufilling bits of university when hard work translated to good grades, of course things are very different in the working world, where hard work, alas, is not directly proportional to rewards, anyway I digress. I remember a university lecturer recounting to the class how tedious it was for him as a medical student 20 years ago, where they had physical directories of journals, an essential tool if one needed to locate a journal article among the rows and rows of bound journals. A time consuming, painful process he said, a memory of university he rather not take with him.

I am to lazy to continue writing this as I am craving for ice-cream!

Aiyah, the gist is, online journal archiving system rocks!

Oh, and God bless the internet.

ok bye

Where is Sergio?

2008-02-01T01:23:00.000Z

I mentioned sometime last month that two very creative colleagues made a batch of 4 Nordic-Singaporean based gnomes for my birthday

They were modeled loosely in the image of Nikolai Jrs which I keep in front of my monitor.

Since then, a series of mysterious events have occured, involving the escape of one from the Brood. The events are as follows:

Monday the 28th of January 2008, between the hours of 0900 and 1500: Sergio escapes.

Wednesday the 30th of January 2008, sometime in the mid afternoon: Sergio sets up a facebook account and adds me. I follow the link on his profile which brings me to his BLOG. Sergio is surprisingly prolific as he chronicals his apparent time warp into 2008.

Sergio has taken on a Spanish last name, Goytisolo, and seems to be a descendent from the aristocratic line of Juan Goytisolo, the Spanish poet and novelist. He must be travelling with someone as I cannot fathom how he is capable of communicating with the human folk, requesting for his picture to be taken with a pin hole camera fashioned from garden tools.

Where is Sergio?

Dog

2008-01-28T15:11:00.000Z

When I was in Siem Reap last year, I crossed paths with a desperate, forlorn mongrel with half his bowels hanging out of his anus. I choose to cock my head, let out a little lament and walk by. I chose to bite my teeth and turn a blind eye because I was told I could do nothing, that it was just a statistic.

Not one month goes by without fleeting passing memories of the mongrel.
Not one month goes by without regret.

Today was exceptionally bad when I walked in the wind with Jonsi for company.

I am sorry, dog.

FUUUUUCK!

2008-01-27T11:28:00.000Z

It is that time of the year again when I have to look for a NEW GAUDY COLOURED outfit for Chinese New Year. The year before I was at OG the day before CNY grabbing random outfits to try in last minute desperation, then, celebrated at having found an outfit under 100 bucks only to have my grandmother point and TSK loudly at my PMS swollen tits spilling out of my dress in front of all my relatives. Nice.

Got. To. Find. Dress.

Iceland

2008-01-26T11:36:00.001Z

Alone In Iceland
Originally uploaded by CORpicX

Before I turn 30, I am going to spend the last birthday of my 20s in Iceland, a place I have wanted to go to since Sigur Ros, through their beautiful imagery, introduced the wonderment and beauty of the country and her people to the rest of the world.

Pictures of the place always makes my heart constrict with inexplicable melancholic emotion.

We live in such beauty, let us not destroy what we have.

Dear Sharon...

2008-01-21T16:23:00.000Z

It has been a year and 2 days.
Yesterday, I heard that stupid R&B song you really liked when I was in the shops.
And I thought of you.

One day I'll buy a russian blue cat and it will be like our flat in Newtown all over again, when the dusty blue came to visit and steal our dinner.

Happy anniversary Shaz.

Birthday Reflections

2008-01-13T15:14:00.000Z

Turning 28 happened without too much drama, perfect, as it is in line with my mantra of the year…Simplicity.

Birthdays hold less of a materialistic significance as I get older. There is no longer a necessity for fancy presents, cakes, candles and meals, no longer a need to be the centre of attention (Incidentally, a mantra for last year…”It’s not always about you Jo!” a mantra which I see the need to carry forward again into 2008). Having said that, I am truly grateful and awed by the actions and gestures of people that went out of their way to make the day so very special.

The colleagues who stayed up till past midnight on two consecutive days to model a little Nordic gnome army from clay and acrylic

The kidney bean girls for the wonderful night out, old skool ice cream cake and presents.

The gang for trudging down after individual long days at work/MBA class/course for a mini surprise of sorts

Sister Una and the team for the song and present

My family for the present and healthy birthday dinner treat (by mother’s decree)

The well wishes of the electronic variety from friends and family

And lastly, the Lump who fashioned a wonderful lazy birthday from last minute scrambling and scheming, done with so much thought and heart and somewhat adhering to my strict rules of Go Cheap!

For each and everyone of you and your actions, I thank you. If there's one thing I've learnt, invest in good human relationships. You may get screwed over, but you will pick yourself up again. No man is an island, communication and human interactions are vital for our growth and development as people.

27 was the year of decisions, 28 will be the year of change.

2008-01-10T09:30:00.000Z

Flogging a dead horse.
2008.
Decisions.

We were all meant to do great things...

2008-01-04T04:13:00.000Z

"Scary isn't it? We had huge dreams in university and reality sort of chews them up”
-Pam, Nov 2007

Exerpts from 'Frankie, Issue 20'
Article: Great Expectations

Be you at the tail end of generation X or the height of generation Y, you may feel like you were destined to do something bigger and better than you currently are. Our demographic doesn’t fear the future, we don’t worry about authority and we’ve never experienced economic recession, but we do seem to have one paralyzing fear- mediocrity.

Is this sense of unfulfilled self-worth really enough to drive someone crazy? Whether it’s Fight Club-style bombing sprees, visits to the shrink of just a pathetic addiction to self-help books, our expectations are driving us mad.

Happy Christmas from all of us!

2007-12-23T04:55:00.000Z

The oddities will now sing you a carol

Saying Goodbye

2007-12-20T15:58:00.000Z

If its not meant to be yours, you do what you can and place it in what you think will be good hands. Then you remind yourself, of what you have in your life that is good, and you realise, you've just been greedy all this while.

Time to say goodbye and never look back.

Time to move on.

Siem Reap Redux

2007-12-10T16:14:00.000Z

I miss taking photos.

I'm not very good at it, but like writing, it is emotionally carthartic.
Gone are the days of LOMO LCA! Need to pay my little Russian friend a visit soon.

This is a picture by Dezzo because, ya know, would I really errect a tripod to capture my rear end and ratty pink panties? Thanks ah, Dez! Bum Bum

2007-12-06T09:23:00.000Z

Once when I was in a taxi, a reckless driver had dangerously swerved into our lane, endangering our lives and causing the taxi driver to slam on the breaks.
I half expected him to wind down his window and flip the guy or storm out with a baseball bat and smash the reckless driver’s car’s windscreen to smitherines, because I probably would have, the flipping I mean.

But he did none of that.

Instead, he took a deep, and I mean deep, breath, stared intently at his dashboard for a few seconds and continued like nothing had happened. I looked over his shoulder to see if he was actually looking at something or just trying to find his zen, and then I saw it.

A crucifix.

We all need to draw strength from somewhere.
Even for the day to day things.

2007-11-30T04:21:00.000Z

"You only have yourself to answer to at the end of the day"

I only saw the true meaning of this as I got older.

Sometimes I wish I had a universal all encompassing 'Guidebook to life' so to speak. To clearly state which career options, relationship decisions, family planning options are best for me. Heck, I think I'd be happy if I just sat in a chair all day and have someone instruct me on what I should wear, eat, drink, do, think, feel.

The journey of life is truly a lonely one.

Turn away from this village of sin!

2007-11-26T15:04:00.000Z

The montmartre sequence from Baz Luhrmann's Moulin Rouge played out in my head as I thrawled the alleys of 'Walking Street', when work brought us to Pattaya for 3 days last week.

As Christian's father wisely warned "Turn away from this village of sin!"
Bright lights, creatures of the underworld.

The coolness of the evenings, sea breeze and sun soaked smell on skin was tainted by the raw smells drifting out from meat joints flanking majority of the alleyways on the main beach strip. A welcomed 2 hour walk on the beach on the last night, after the madness of work, allowed a colleague and I time to bask in the atmosphere of the place.

I suggested we walk the walk along 'Walking Street'.
Red lights, girls, pot-bellied middle aged caucasian men.

The meat factory.

Surreal was when we neared the middle of the neverending alley.
A man methodically turing the handle on the end of a metal stake that made its way down the middle of an entire pig. Skin crackling, raw and red. On either side, girls griding to hip hop, arms in air, nubile bodies, soft flesh, eyes glassy, expression fixed. "Mister Mister! You want good time?"

And then again, the smell of meat.

2007-11-17T16:39:00.000Z

A big reshuffle and changing of roles over the last month has resulted in some office injustice.

It is audacious that some are being marginalized by foreigners in our very own country.

As some would say, "Kaninah! Chao Ang Moh!"

I have to agree with them this time.

Cat Show Redux

2007-10-29T14:57:00.000Z

2007-10-23T16:15:00.000Z

When I was in my first year of university, I had big plans.
I sat in for advance calculus classes and made it in time for 8am lectures.
I did my research and was adamant that I would make a switch to BSc (Medical Science) in my 2nd year, and at the end of the 3 year stint, make it to Grad Med.

That lasted all of 2 weeks.
You see, there was the Singapore Society, a new relationship, new friends and places to explore, plus the fact that I was an immature, ungrateful, spoilt and petulant child that didn’t know better.

During my 3 year extended holiday, I would however, look longingly at fellow unimates who made it to the Golden Key International Honour Society, something I promised myself I would aim for during those first 2 weeks. Invitations to which were only extended to students who were in the top 15 percentile of their cohort. I knew I was underachieving, but I was having too much fun to care.

So, it was a huge surprise when I received a package containing an invitation letter to and information about Golden Key 2 weeks ago, informing me that I belonged to the top 15 percentile of my cohort for the recent degree. It has been 2 weeks and I have yet to send in my acceptance. I think part of me still cannot believe that I acutally deserve this prestige. It is all too surreal.

I recounted this to Lump and he said:
"When I was a poor student in melbourne, going for film festival after film festival, watching XXX's (local director) films, and longing for the day that I could make films of that calibre, I would have never in my wildest imagination think that one day I would have the opportunity to play advisor to this person".

As wiseman say: "In a land with no snow, the Jamaican bobsled team dreamt of winning the olympics, and they went and got it."

If you want it bad enough, you can do just about anything.
The question is...how badly do you want it?

2007-10-21T15:26:00.000Z

Anyone been to Taipei before?
Where to go, what to see, what to do.

Any recommendations are very warmly welcomed.

Venereal Facial Delight

2007-10-16T09:19:00.000Z

Low and behold! The only souvenir I brought back from Seoul is the friendly Herpes virus, more accurately, oral herpes (most probably thanks to HSV-1) aka bastard cold sore. The feel and look of which has a tendency to incite me to equate my facial lips to lips...elsewhere. Comon! It's a variant of the genital one for crying out loud! I feel disgusting.

Lesson: Bring lip balm and start smearing the thick gunk from the time you board plane till after you bid a second goodbye to some of our not-so-friendly ah lians in blue (sometimes green or red) sarong kebayas (Gill, you is not be included in this group!).

It might have been the stress of work, or, what I would like to attribute to: having to share the same breathing space with my soon-to-be ex manager, the arrogant english pervert who frequents $25USD per night Cambodian whores, who if I am not mistaken, was sporting some fashionable herpes pals of his own on his lower chin, no doubt from putting his lips to herpes infected lips...elsewhere.

Geez I hate cold sores!

New Friends

2007-10-02T15:43:00.000Z

Oyster Boy

The Boy with Nails in his Eyes

Perfect fit in the ever growing hoard of oddities.

Thank you Mom

2007-09-29T13:14:00.000Z

"Thank you Mom for being such a good role model of what a supportive wife should be'. This brought tears to my eyes when an ex-colleague gave her impromptu speech at her wedding a week ago.

Tonight, everyone stared and watched as a man suffering from hemiplegia, no doubt having suffered from stroke, tried his best to navigate between the hawker centre tables, inching his way forward, cane in hand, body almost at a right angle, able side dragging his body along, looking for a seat wide enough for him to slide onto. I turned to my mother wanting to ask her if we should go over and help, but she was gone, already making her way to him.

"Uncle, you sit. Would you like me to help you order your food?"
"Mmmmuurgh.."

He had lost his ability to speak.
He had to gesticulate

He points to the Chwee Kwey stall.
"Chwee Kwey? Ok. How many you want?"
He holds up 3 fingers
"3 Chwee Kwey? You want chilli?"
He sticks out his thumb. Good.

"Thank you Mom, you have been my role model from whom I have learnt what having compassion truly means."

My Mus(e)ic

2007-09-24T05:46:00.001Z

What I would give to go here.

If only just to see the premier of Heima.

Then again, anywhere's better than here right now.
How was your weekend?
Mine was too bloody short.

Bedtime Stories

2007-09-14T06:43:00.000Z

Very often, it's the simple things

WATCH THIS!

2007-09-06T15:07:00.000Z

Dear Miss South Carolina, for the love of God, its not 'THE' Iraq... among many other things.

Heima...and yet again I ask, when will I go to Iceland?

2007-09-05T16:17:00.000Z

From EMI Records on You Tube: Sigur Rós break their two-year silence to release their first-ever film and a companion album later this autumn. Filmed over two weeks last summer when the band undertook a free tour of Iceland, 'Heima' stands as a colossal labour of love - not to say grand folly - typical of this most exacting of bands. While most people set up a few cameras at, say, a festival, and call it a DVD, Sigur Rós decided they would push the boat (bus and plane) out for their debut venture into live film, hauling 40-plus people round 15 locations to the furthest flung corners of their homeland to create something, well, inspirational. On their way they went to ghost towns, outsider art shrines, national parks, small community halls and the absolute middle-of-nowhere-ness of the highland wilderness, as well as playing the largest gig of their career (and in Icelandic history) at their triumphant homecoming Reykjavik show. 'Heima' (Icelandic for "at home" or "homeland"), truly, shows Sigur Rós as never before.

'Heima' receives its worldwide premiere on September 27th at the Icelandic Film Festival and a run of national premieres at film festivals all around the world follows including a UK premiere (full details soon to be announced). The film will then receive a nationwide UK release in selected cinemas across the UK.

On November 5th 'Heima' will be released as a Special Edition double DVD package with a 104-page book containing stunning photos from the tour. It will also be released as a standard 2-DVD set. The first disc of both packages features the 'Heima' film, with a choice of a 5.1 surround sound or pcm stereo mix, whilst the second DVD will contain the full performances of each song in the movie amongst many other extras.

Watch the Heima Trailer. I promise, in under 4 minutes, you'd want to go to Iceland too.

What if?

2007-09-03T15:14:00.000Z

The one priceless thing has resulted from joining facebook (apart from getting to build my own zombie army), is having the opportunity to get in touch with some of the St. Leonard's Alumni. Girls with whom I attended boarding school with, an old palace with narrow corridors, a chapel and a lake, a place where we were schooled in the finer points of poise, manners, drugs, alcohol and the british accent. The 2 years where I found freedom from the shackles of the Singaporean education system and the shackles of growing up in a protective asian home. I remember the bright eyed wonder when I went for my very first Medical School interview at King's College, how I snuck into the medical library and relished the smell of old books as I stood in awe of the magnificence of the place. 10 years on, I still remember that very day.

(Some pictures from the facebook alumni group)
Prize Day 1999: Where I got my name put on the brass music cup for being deputy head of music. It was by default really, because only 2 of us were pursuing a performer's cert in piano. Obviously I never finished it, hence DEPUTY head. The only achievement I had to show for extracurricular activity in my 2 years there.

Sister Jean our headmistress

Photo from a reunion a year ago. Mr Bennet (2nd from left), came to teach at St. Leonard's when we were nearing the end of lower 6th. I think he taught lit. He used to be hot. I do not know what happened.

I have always wondered what it would have been like had I chose to stay on in England to pursue a tertiary education.
I am sure I would have turned out differently.
I wonder, how different.

Like, Meow

2007-08-31T01:40:00.000Z

2007-08-29T15:35:00.000Z

Eversince I returned to corporate ratdom, I have not found anything remotely interesting to write about. Well, there was the cat show over the weekend where I got to see persian cats in all their 'Kenna Langa' face glory on Sunday which made my week.

Like Christine said, another day, another dollar.

Something just doesn't fit in the picture.
I wonder how much longer I'll go on like this.

Are we all destined to be worker bees?

At the end of the day...

2007-08-14T14:20:00.000Z

...what do you look forward to coming home to?

A loved one
A pet
TV
Family
Alone time
A phone conversation
A home cooked meal
The internet
A new novel
A hot shower
Computer games
Online shopping

Ending the day on a good note is integral to starting the next on a good one.
But if it doesn't, we still plod on.
Humans.
Resilient fighters aren't we.

2007-08-13T14:53:00.000Z

I feel like I have been thrown in the deep end.
But I suppose starting out is always the worst, and everyone has to go thought the fire of initiation.
I must remind myself, fight not flight, which is my natural instinct.

Breathe and think.

Random

2007-08-06T13:36:00.000Z

First go at felt art. It was rather enjoyable, but I got a bit impatient with the monkey and the sides as I was stitching past my bedtime hence explaining the horrendous stitching.

The great thing with boyfriends is that they'll appreciate your craft no matter how rubbish. Heh.

First day was alright, the culture and people seem nice, work sounds daunting and I suspect its going to get more overwhelming when my immediate boss returns from her 3 week holiday tomorrow. But all things considering, it really marries my diverse interests and work experiences so its all good. In any case, I am very glad the work week is a short one.

Weird Unnecessary Words of Standardized Testing

2007-08-03T07:43:00.000Z

This is the title neatly written on the top part of my brother's A4 sheet of words to learn for his GRE exam for entry into Masters in the good ol' US of A. I personally think the verbal portion of the test is flawed (this is my own personal view, and I am not setting out to discredit the GREs) as a great majority of the words tested are completely random and its a case of either you know it or don't.

Ok an example would be the word Maladroit. One can possibly deduce the meaning of the word if one knew the meaning of the word adroit. According to dictionary.com:

Adroit:
1. Dexterous; deft.
2. Skillful and adept under pressing conditions

So, logically, MALadroit would possibly mean lacking or devoid of adroitness. Personally I feel a word like that would test vocabulary as well as verbal logic, something that would perhaps give examinees a fighting chance.

Now, take the word Martinet, which loosely means:
1. Disciplinarian
2. Strict adherance

According to dictionary.com Martinet was named after General Jean Martinet, the French inventor of a system of drill, who, according to Joshua, was known to be a strict disciplinarian. How far fetched is that? I mean, its virtually impossible to make some sort of logical verbal deduction of the word.

PS: My favourite word from his list is FETID, which means: A heavy offensive smell. Wah Lau! That Belachan Si Beh Fetid!

Money Matters (Written when high on PMS Hormones)

2007-08-02T08:11:00.000Z

Over the last few days, I had to do some research about wealth management, investments, stock broking, shares, bonds, unit trusts... all very foreign to me. I remember my brother being quite exasperated when he tried explaining the concept of bonds to me 2 years ago as I have always been adverse to economics, finance and anything business and commerce related, no thanks to an academically useless 2 month stint in the now defunct Outrum Institute.

The research got me further interested in the workings of private banking and the world of investments, which was sparked off when I met Cheryl and Sharon a month ago when they were going on about investments and buying properties. Then I met Gary yesterday and he told me of Jan's big promotion (Congratulations Jan! All I can say is, YOU DA WOMAN!) and then I thought, SHIT, I'm 27, I'm as old as Jan, but I'm just starting on a new job, having to climb ranks all over again and that leaves me, what.... 2 years 4 months 9 days before I hit 30 and I'm no where near how I envisioned myself at 30 at aged 25.

So honestly, is all this altruistic nonsense worth it? Unfortunately, I bloomed late, was a screw up up till age 25 and didn't manage to hitchhike my way to speedy medical success. This bendy road rubbish is really getting to me, and frankly, I somehow think it is all going to go to shits. So if it really goes to shits, what's my fall back plan? I don't have one. Simply because I did not set out to fail. Cocky you say? Yes, perhaps it might seem that way. Lump likes to call it 'Burning all Bridges, and not giving oneself and excuse to fail'. However, I'm beginning to realise, that getting into medical school is a very dirty game if you are not part of the elite or have a perfect GPA.

So what happens to the in betweens like myself if we do end up slipping through the admission gap?

Well, we might mope for a bit, then we might say, Screw altruism...

I JUST WANT TO MAKE ALOT OF MONEY

2007-07-31T14:33:00.000Z

Skimmed through an old episode featuring our country's garbage solution company's ex CEO today. Very prominently placed in her office was a throw around cushion with the phrase 'Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman' printed on it. She even picked it up and proudly showed it off to the camera mid interview.

It got me thinking, we women generally really get the shorter end of the stick in a marriage, don't we?

Women are in charge of taking care of and nurturing their families on top of jobs. Ok, one might argue that women are more empowered these days and chores are shared, rights are fair and equal, and running a household is a shared responsibilty. But ask any man at work if they're worrying about the shortage of groceries in the fridge or the laundry that needs to be done, I can assure you they've got their head so far up their client's asses they forget their domestic obligations.

Not only that.

Child bearing? Our responsibility
Sorting out holidays? Our responsibility
Placating the husband when he returns from work regardless of how bad a day we've had? Our responsibilty
Ensuring hot meals are placed on the table? Our responsibility.
Remembering birthdays? Our responsibility
Arranging family functions? Our responsibility
Buying gifts? Our responsibility
Dealing with utility bills? Our responsibility
Ensuring Husband's ego is stroked? Our Very Big responsibility

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure men have to worry about providing for their family in monetary terms, but seriously, more and more I appreciate and respect the many many different hats a woman has to wear every day. I have always remembered what my mother said to me in a moment of frustration...

"When your father is sick, it's like the children are sick, when the children are sick the whole family is sick, when mummy is sick, well no one really knows when mummy is sick"

Bees

2007-07-28T16:53:00.000Z

Busy Busy Busy since we touched down almost 2 weeks ago. In between we managed a 1 hour coffeshop catch up a week ago and 2 hours on Thursday and a family thing yesterday. It going to be busy for a while more.

We just want to go back to De La Paix where we can wake up to this... instead of jobsEggs benedict + cheese + swine + muffin
Gratuitous sexy yolk shot

The next chapter

2007-07-22T14:34:00.000Z

Been out of action since I resturned from Cambodia. Now if it was food poisoning from the various coconut laden Fish Amok I stuffed my face with in Siem Reap I can accept, it was however the putrid tuna foccacia I had at the airport pre budget airline flight that did me in, coupled with mild flu, which resulted in the bastard marriage of food poisioning + flu. Not fun at all. Anyway that's all over and done with, finally.

Moving on.

In 2 weeks, after a 19 month hiatus, I will rejoin the work force proper. I am just very happy to once again be a CPF contributing citizen, paying taxes, playing my part in building the nation. Ah! Bullshit! I just want to buy shoes, hangbags, clothes, buy my family nice meals, buy lump and friends nice things, be able to pay bills via GIRO once again and not have to live on a meager and irregular freelancer's pay. It has been a humbling experience, one that forces you to learn and grow as a person, but as anyone who has up and left to study in the midst of a career climb can attest, it is not the most financially and lifestyle friendly of situations. Those days are over, for now, bye bye 3 O'clock cat naps, you were really one of my greatest pleasures.

Craft Revolution

2007-07-20T10:39:00.000Z

I've just discovered a whole new world of online tutorials teaching people how to make bags, crochet, knit etc... What a find! My previous two bags and pencil cases were made completely in the dark, well, that's not completely true, it was after studying a canvas tote bought from Perth intently and my attempts at reverse engineering resulted what I now call the two bags. But! but! but! Now there are proper step by step guides to teach me how to do it properly! No more randomly cutting by feel and 2nd guessing which bit should go first!

Damn excited.

2007-07-17T13:36:00.000Z

I just had the most glorious hotel experience to date and I am still withdrawing from the entire experience. I will get round to writing a comprehensive post on Hotel De La Paix and Siem Reap over the weekend. Cambodia is still recovering slowly and the place is poor as poor can be. There were constant sights that completely broke my heart everyday from landmine victims to a forlorn dog with half his lower bowels hanging out from his anus to children sitting on the ground from dawn to dusk begging. After a major breakdown on the first day, the reality of being in a third world country set in. I realise that I am alot more insulated than I think I am. It isn't just about putting a few dollars in the begging bowl or providing momentary comfort, I have to see the bigger picture and realise that help is possible on a broader, more sustainable scale.

See, Feel, Act

Damien

2007-07-12T05:40:00.000Z

Dearest Damien,
You have grown from this little bundle almost 10 months ago into

a well-behaved handsome and bright eyed curious little tot. You are very very lucky with mummy who is by your side everyday watching over you and caring for you. You and your daddy seem to have so much fun together, especially when you are checking yourself out in the mirror :)

You have your daddy's nose and mummy's ears and with the superb mix of genes that crafted you, you will be a heartbreaker.
Your self-proclaimed aunties look forward to watching you grow and develop, and don't mind if we pinch your cheeks every once in awhile. xxx

*2nd Photo by Marshmallow Toasties and family picture by Gillian

Cambodia

2007-07-12T03:49:00.000Z

We are off on our 1st holiday for 2007 trading skiing and snow for temples and dusty streets. Lump has been wanting to go see Angkor Wat for the longest time, further fueled no thanks to Wong Kar Wai's 2046 and the like (Can someone say film buff). Should be good, although the highlight for city girl would be Hotel De La Paix. Another hotel with suspect sounding name, but with ameneties that lists:
Satellite television
Complimentary wireless internet access
Pre-programmed iPod
Terrazzo soaking tub & separate shower
Gourmet mini bar

And with pictures like these:

And DVD player for rent at USD$15 a night...Can Lah!

The Angkor archeological site should be spectacular and we'll probably get a 3 day pass to see temple at sunset, temple at sunrise, temple at midday, temple in morning. You get the drift. We'll be bringing, a Lomo, DSLR, 1 Ricoh and a Canon Ixus, sketch pads, pencils and erasers, bring on inspiration and finding ZEN. OOOhm!

Art and Craft

2007-07-10T10:09:00.000Z

I don't think I can make a living out of crafty pursuits.
It took 4 hours to put this together.

Pierce: The Unspoken Rule

2007-07-09T06:25:00.000Z

After dinner and with sometime to spare, we trooped down to Pierce reservoir with a can of coke and sprite. It was only upon parking that we realised that there were numerous cars with their engines running and foggy windows! As we walked towards to reservoir it was obvious that cars were parked in an alternating fashion, leaving a lot between each vehicle! We of course innocently violated that unspoken rule and according to Lump "I saw a body in the car next to ours as I was getting out!", we felt very bad for disturbing someone's SEXY TIME.

The Rang Mahal

2007-07-09T05:37:00.000Z

After reading numerous glowing reviews about the Rang Mahal, and with the knowledge that Lump would do cartwheels for yeeendian food, I decided to bring him there for his birthday dinner. Our experience at the Rang Mahal was nothing short of exquisite. From the food to the service to the magnificent ambience. We sat, ate and talked for almost 3 hours. They certainly lived up to their long list of accolades from Conde Nast, Wine and Dine, Singapore Tourism Board etc.

The entrance, flanked by tea lights, houses a lovely modern waiting lounge as one enters. We were seated in one of their cosy booths which had plush cushions and a long bolster like thing at the back for one to rest on. The menu was comprehensive, with a good mix of vegetarian and meat dishes. We had wanted to start off with their fois gras but as we were placing our order, our server dissuaded us from ordering the Fois Gras, citing "I understand asian palates" as reason, who were we to argue, right? He suggested the starter sampler instead, which cost alot less than the fois gras and which was bloody delicious. It was from that point on that I gave Rang Mahal my vote for excellent service. The dishes recommended were glorious and the amount of food was just right. I can't remember the names of the dishes but our menu went something like this:

Starter
Non-vegetarian sampler plate: A Roasted King Prawn, a piece of chicken, 1 Lamb Kebab a piece of fish and salad on the side

Mains
A Lamb Curry Dish: Chunks of tender lamb in a sauce that had minced lamb as base
A Chicken Dish: Juicy Chicken strips with tonnes of garnishes
Black Dhal: This took the cake for me. It was rich, luscious, creamy and smooth. There was a hint of cheese as well
A Garlic Naan
Tissue Something: I cannot remember the exact name but it was so soft and fluffy, a cross between thosai and prata. It was not oily at all.

I must say that the chicken dish was overshadowed by the spices and flavours of the lamb and dhal. As a stand alone I am sure it is delectable, but with the other 2 tastier dishes for comparison, it came across as slightly mild and ordinary. We were too full for dessert and settled for a flat white and one of their signature 'Digestive Teas'. Service was wonderful with great attention to detail (level of water in glass never fell below half), and just when we thought it could not get any better, when the servers came out with the "cake" belting out 'Happy Birthday' we had our photo taken by one of them and within a few minutes, were presented with that photo in 4R, nicely displayed in a Rang Mahal card.
This definately ranks up there on our list of memorable dinning experiences and will definately go back for a visit. If anything, just for that out of this world black dhal!
Rang Mahal: The Aftermath
Complimentary shredded carrot pudding for the birthday boy.
I had the Geisha Blossom digestive tea which had a green tea base. It was marvellously light and smooth, cleaned the residual spices off the palate and calmed the stomach.

Rang Mahl
Level 3 Pan Pacific Hotel
Tel: 6333 1788

Re-gifters

2007-07-06T03:34:00.000Z

For comic fans, Sonny Liew's Re-Gifters is out! I can't say that I know very much about comics, my knowlege of which only stretches as far as Archie and some random Slam Dunk issues when I was in Secondary School, but when Sonny first passed me the 2nd Issue from his Malinky Robot series, I was completely blown away by his illustrations! Minx titles is a new release by DC Comics and Re-Gifters is one of the first titles to be released under Minx, so I reckon it must be a rather big deal. I wouldn't know cause the boy is always so self deprecating and unassuming, most times down playing all his achievements. When I was reading the artist profiles, I was told that being nominated for a Eisner Award is a huge thing in the comic world, it is akin to getting nominated for an Academy award.

The boy's got talent.

HAPPY HAPPY 32nd, LUMP!

2007-07-05T17:06:00.000Z

Lump at 29. With age comes change, change polishes up the edges, change is what has kept us going, change has been kind and good. But to me, time freeze framed you at 27, and that's how I'll always remember all the wonderful and beautiful things about you, you at 27, when I first shook your hand and said hello.

2007-07-05T03:55:00.000Z

The beastly dreams are back with a vengence.

Last night I was climbing up the stairs of some old run down shophouse only to discover tables arranged in a semi circle (like some science fair at school) with fish tanks after fishtanks of dogs in water. The mutts were aquatic. They were living and breathing in water. When I asked the man how come the mutts could survive in water he said "We extricate them from their mother's womb when they are almost mature and dump them in the tanks. They adapt and live in water naturally." And mind you, these weren't your cutesy golden retrievers, they were all so sad and forlorn with tuffs of hair missing in places, fully submerged and barking in water.

Fucking surreal I tell you.

2007-07-03T17:15:00.000Z

In a moment of weakness 2 weeks ago, I had 2 cigarettes with some coffee and enjoyed every bit of the tar and nicotine that glorious little roll provided. Oh! the joy of heady smoke travelling and filling each aveoli, little sacs of clouds. On a quiet night like this, I wish I was back on Arundel's rooftop, ruminating with Pam, catching clouds with sacs as we progress into the winter night.

Kitty Kats

2007-07-02T15:43:00.000Z

I am a dog person. I think the whole not having to work for your pet's love and the idea of a big soppy mess constantly hungry for affection appeals to me, but, it is also alot of physical work and commitment. I used to resent cats because I though they were cold unfeeling bastards who only cosied up to you when they were hungry or wanted treats. I only really began to appreciate cats when a dusty grey feline urchin used to visit Sharon and I in our Sydney apartment. Ya ok, the bastard swiped our sardine dinner, clawed our couch, and frequently jumped on our kitchen top to steal food, but we looked forward to his visits and the opportunity to give him a nice bowl of milk. Then I went to Melbourne in June '03 and Dezzo's friend Lynette had a lovely kitty kat who apparently never warmed up to anyone, but with some coaxing, managed to get him to sit on my lap and he allowed pats and scratching behind his ears. Ah! I can make a conection with these snooty bastards I thought.

They have a whole different psyche, my cat loving friends explained, and it was just a matter of understanding them. And we have summized that cats are really the cleverer of the 2 species, their whole not trusting so easily and being on guard, very human. With the realisation that I am a complete worm, I think a cat would better suit my living habits. No walks required, cats know how to eat out of the bowl and stop when they are full, they self clean (though I would still insist on weekly baths I think!), and best of all, sleep 18 hours a day. Best! No having to toss balls and play fetch. Don't get me wrong, I still harbour hopes of owning a fiesty pit bull terrier one day, but till I can promise him a sprawling backyard/lawn or a relatively big area for him to run, that day will have a wait. For now, I would definately get a kitty kat when I get a place. Someday soon. A Kitty Kat just like Lucifer. How can you not love a squished up mug like that! A Persian Kitty Kat for me, definately.

Chiang Mai

2007-06-27T06:07:00.000Z

The thing that struck me about Chaing Mai is that the people there are much more genteel as compared to the brash city folk in Bangkok. We did not get fleeced or bagered into buying things and the tuk-tuk man who took us places everyday was an honest guy who charged us extremely decent rates. We stayed at the Imperial Mae Ping hotel, and as suspect as the name sounds, it was a very clean and decent outfit complete with carpeted floors, hot showers and 2 complementary bottles of water everyday.
The highlight of the trip has definately got to be the ATV (All Terrain Vehicle) adventure which we went on the day before we left. Due to the threatening skies and rough and tough nature of the activity, we didn't bring our cameras, which was a real shame. We were driven about 40mins out of Chiang Mai to the hilly Chiang Dao area were the adventure was to begin. The ATVs were huge, and after being fitted with helmets and boots, we straddled the monsters, did 2 rounds of their pratice circuit and were off. We drove an hour uphill on proper roads and after that off road on rough terrain. Most of the time it was driving next to the wall of the mountain on the right and a sharp plummet down to mountainous depths on the left. We were warned of the seriousness of the issue with our guide constantly reminding us in an ominous tone "Go left... Dieeeee!". My brother had a real tough time steering on the uneven terrain and forgot to turn the wheel to compensate when he went over ditches which resulted in him almost driving off the cliff. The guide immediately stopped the convoy, got off his ATV, walked over to my brother and asked "Boy! Are you trying to be funny!?". Anyway, the initial hiccups cleared eventually and he was soon enjoying the ride and the changing temperatures. We passed through farming villages and I got to see actual vegetable patches! (It was really a sight to behold for this city girl) Our destination was the peak of the mountain, where we were rewarded with a spectacular view of green rolling hills and mountains amidst cold air and strong winds, a truly spectacular moment. From there it was an easy one hour ride back down to base. All in all the ride itself took about 4.5 hours. I would highly recommend this to anyone visiting Chiang Mai.

Food was nothing to shout about, the Lanna cuisine is very healthy with alot of soups and curries sans coconut milk. I think my stomach couldn't handle the 'Lanna Special Pickled Sausage' we had on the last night, which tasted like what I would imagine sausage that had turned putrid in the sun would taste like. Going to the markets was also an experience, seeing raw meats for sale, crudely slapped on aluminum trays under no chilling system to speak of, stark and bare amidst the humidity. I saw maggots, I saw bugs. Like I said, it was an experience.

The trip was enjoyable, we were all spa-ed out spoiling ourselves with 2 massages each. My brother did one better and requested for a 30min MILK BATH! after one of his treatments. A simple quiet town for a quick lazy getaway, if you don't harbour grand plans of shopping up a storm. Lazy, being the operative word :)

2007-06-23T04:26:00.000Z

I am emotionally, in a very dark place right now. After reclusing for a few days, I decided to pick myself up and channel my issues into exercise and fitness. I usually put aside exercise when mugging season rolls by, which is actually a very unhealthy practice as we all know that an active body begets an active mind. It seems that my fitness is truly congruent with moods and the ability to keep my emotions in check, on top of that, it helps me to undergo a change in mindset. Pounding away on the treadmill is emotionally cathartic, and I have to say, it is helping. Adrenaline is my friend.

2007-06-16T16:48:00.000Z

Chiang Mai. I hope to be inspired and find some answers.

Screw that.

I just want to eat till buttons pop and receive massages in unhealthy amounts.

bye bye

Stop, Take Stock

2007-06-11T16:05:00.000Z

The sad fact of growing up is that we all start to get very busy. More often than not, we forget to stop and take stock of the things that are important to us and stop taking the effort to maintain relationships, past and present. This fact was more jarring than ever when I very suddenly lost my housemate from Sydney days to Lupus early this year, I took it for granted that she would always be there and sometimes never gave her the time of day. I remind myself everyday now that life is transient and we should always take time out for family and friends, quite a change from 3 or 4 years ago when I was adamant that friendships were transient.

My friend Cheryl from Secondary School (we went to the same Primary school but she was cool and I was the loser wearing braces and had my fringe 2 fingers above eyebrow kind so we didn't speak) is one person that has taken tremendous effort to keep in touch after all these years. She is always capable of pulling the girls together for a catch up and some good ol' girly gossip, I must admit I took her effort for granted, but I have come to truly appreciate her of late. Caught up with Cheryl and Sharon after a 5 month hiatus, Sharon whom I am immensely proud of, runs a business on her own at 27, juggles work family and son, works 6 sometimes 7 days a week, often returning home at midnight. I am learning more and more that it is so important to choose the right life partner because both of you have to work as a team, live and maintain a family together.
Sharon and Cheryl
The busy business woman
Buying breakfast

The girls have done well for themselves and I am truly happy for them, once again, thanks Cheryl.

So turns the wheel

2007-06-11T09:43:00.000Z

I stood and bade my farewells to the few that saw me through the year and a half. All juggling work and classes, some with families to feed, one with a baby on the way, all striving for something greater, all fighters in their own right. We shared our frustrations and worries, and if we were feeling particularly generous, a mention of our personal lives in passing. Only skimming the surface, we were comfortable acquaintances out of circumstance, and then some. As pleasantries drew to a close and awkward silence loomed, I shook their hands, smiled, turned round, walked and didn't look back. Perhaps we'll meet again, perhaps not, but if we do, it will be like the summer of 2007, it will be only in passing.

KK

2007-06-09T12:34:00.000Z

Thank you Angie!
I think I am one of the few that have not tried the famed donuts at Raffles City, apparently it's good enough the give KK a run for their money. Strangely, the best donuts are still the ones I had as a student in Sydney, on our hour long break from the stale biochemistry lab while waiting for our proteins to run through gels. I always had 3 small donuts coated with cinnamon sugar, together with hot chocolate. They were always freshly made and served piping hot, crispy on the outside and fluffy cotton soft on the inside. Unlike alot of the donuts now, the texture was robust and substantial, not the airy fairy melt in your mouth type.

I must go back for a visit.

Soliloquy

2007-06-08T06:25:00.000Z

Dear Jo,

I know this is your last paper and you are as excited as a kid who just got candy, but you really need to focus. Although this is your last paper you still need to work very hard so as to secure a distinction or better and not just scrape through. You need to stop surfing the bastard internet, remind your brother that his crossing over from marble dining room flooring onto your parquet flooring is detrimental as you are easy distracted and stop thinking of the wonderous things that await you post exam and FOCUS.

Girl, what are you even doing on the internet now?!

Elitist Shmucks

2007-06-07T09:16:00.000Z

Why must good quality chocolate be so darn exxxpensive

Fetish

2007-06-07T02:00:00.000Z

Pistachio has been relegated to a dank dark corner in my mother's kitchen, complete with old crummy baby shit green coloured towel covering its curves and sheen. Sometimes I go to the corner, lift up the towel, give it a good 'ol rub and apologise for the humiliation it has been subjected to.

Most days I fantasize about taking it to bed with me, so I can give it a cuddle and rub and tuck it in good night.

Dinner Pals

2007-06-03T06:57:00.000Z

From Ed and Jen's BYO steak dinner party a while back, I'll spare the pictures of blood drenched slabs of steak, eh, I try I try. Halal friendly, vegan friendly, I try.

Brighton tries his luck with Ed
Hendri contemplates the mysterious workings of fantasy
Edwin is elated at the prospect of chocolate coated strawberries
Shifaa tries to carry out a diversion, without much success
In a last ditch attempt, Brighton resorts to doe eyed cuteness
Photographer assumes a nifty 'take ownself photo' pose
** Note: Guys, Dezzo has uploaded pictures onto 'Dinner Pals, more photos there!

Red as Red can be

2007-06-02T13:37:00.001Z

Redder
Originally uploaded by dezzo

Excite!

2007-05-30T08:46:00.000Z

All set in motion now.
The Last Lap.
And it all boils down to Monday and the papers.
I is very Excite!

Things to look forward to:
1. Catching up with friends and having a life
2. Joshua's Return
3. The Cremaster Pentalogy
4. Chiang Mai
5. Holidaying with Dezzo and wearing furry coats

Thy will be done.

Music in my Head

2007-05-29T09:46:00.000Z

Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight was released recently so we went and got ourselves a copy. Seeing as how they have kept fans waiting for almost 2 years for their new album, we could hardly contain our excitement and popped it into the CD player in the car immediately. We were so disappointed. Jibes from friends kept ringing in my head of course "Linkin Park?! Why you like boyband?". I told Dezzo it is only because they are Linkin Park that I will give them another listen on my ipod and see how it goes. To which he said that it would probably sound better.

I listened to it on my way to class last night and I didn't find them half as bad as I had the day before. I have realised this about listening to music using earphones, it allows you to truly appreciate every instrument, the vocals, the beats, and of course in an almost concert hall like setting, apparently from the centre of your head. If my memory from 3rd year neuroscience serves me right, perfectly balanced earphones should map an apparent sound source almost as if from an area slightly above the nasal cavity running down towards the middle of the head.

In any case, I began to understand why audiophiles would fork out ludicrous sums of money for branded ear/headphones or state of the art audio systems to allow one's self that perfect auditory experience. I remember going to this advertising guru's house party with Dezzo, which housed a state of the art audio system, absolutely hideous I thought, with 2 giant nautilus shell-like contraptions on each side (sorry I just don't get these overtly avant garde designs). We sat on the 2 chairs in the middle facing the shells and listened. The sound was oaky, had a deep resonance and I could hear it coming from that special place in the centre of my head. Looking back, that system must have been very good. Heh. Well, till I can afford some kickass earphones with a good range for bass, I'm happy with my ipod provided ones for now.

Earphones have saved Linkin Park from getting the boot from DJ Sideshowjo :p

Thank You

2007-05-29T04:57:00.000Z

Circa Early 2003

Happy 30th, Gillian!

2007-05-26T04:04:00.000Z

(A Better Photo from Marshmallowtoasties)

It was so good to wind down after the madness of the morning and celebrate with friends, food and cake. Happy Birthday Gillie Billie! You'll always be our 16 year old convent girl at heart.

1 down

2007-05-26T03:56:00.000Z

In celebration of the last I will see of entrance exams in a long while (hopefully), I made a butter cake, filled with fat, cholesterol and tonnnnnnnes of sugar. Raaaaar!
We wondered where that piece went and followed the crumbs...

Meiji

2007-05-24T07:19:00.000Z

Oh Meiji Milk. The ways I love thee!

2007-05-19T00:36:00.000Z

My mother was the standard for tough and effective discipline. My brother and I were brought up in a very regimented routine with an extremely steep learning curve. Neighbours and relatives used to threaten to send their children to 'Aunty Lucy's House', or in dire cases, actually do send them to Aunty Lucy for a week or so, to get them sorted.

"Why boy? Don't want to eat fish again? Cry somemore?! I'm sending you to Aunty Lucy! You want!!!?"

Domineering and tyrannical as she was however, she was also the one that injected the only fun we knew of into our childhoods. She was Santa and Headmistress Agatha Trunchbull at the same time. She managed to strike a good balance of give and take I suppose. Well, we turned out pretty decent.

My paternal male cousins, who never cease to poke fun and victimise friends/family always say to me, "Ya ya ya, you're only doing this because this is what your mother wants right?". People from my childhood always naturally seem to assume that my decisions in life are based on what my parents, or rather, my mother wants. Well, fine. Given I was shipped off at 17 and had no say in the matter, that's besides the point. From college on, I've been steering my own course. For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to do medicine. Friends from school/college/university can attest to that. Heck when I was a child I hankered after those microscope and science kits from Toys R Us (which I never got). I however, matured very much later in life and I attribute it to the fact that both my brother and I lead rather sheltered lives. We were spoilt and very lucky children. It was only after joining the work force proper (waitressing stints do not count) did I realise what real life and making money was all about, and how at the end of the day, job satisfaction is paramount to one's well-being. I just could not take...settling and setting myself very small very achievable goals. I needed to do something big. To be very cliche, I needed a paradigm shift. So you know what? Live a little I say! And I'm all the more inspired by people close to me who are truly living and taking steps to come out of their comfort zone and think big, in terms of their careers. All of you inspire me to want the things I want.

My boyfriend Desmond who took the bold leap from Producer to Film Director- You've taught me that hardwork, determination and perseverence brings one the the next level.
Edwin who is embarking on his MBA- You've taught me that it's never to late to come out of one's comfort zone and to not be deterred by having to work hard.
Shifaa who up and left Singapore to do postgrad psych and is working towards a masters- You've taught me about being focused on the goal and and to not veer off the track.
Pam who boldly turned her back on science (not completely yet I think :P) and switched to film- You've taught me to dream Ms. Heng. You truly have.
Christine who is working on a complete career shift into speech pathology- You've thought me to rise above adversity and do whatever it takes.
Edmund who quit a job in banking to do photography and diving- You've thought me that happiness and loving what you do makes one a better person.
Sonny who after finishing philosophy at Cambridge has become a international comic artist- You've thought me that enjoying life while using one's gift is so important.
Marie Sophie who dealt with her boyfriend's death by writing a book and getting published- You've thought me to turn the negative into inner strength to fuel the way.

Just to name a few. If I clear everything and get accepted, I want all of you to know, each and everyone of you gave me strength to dream and achieve. THANK YOU.

Workings of the Universe

2007-05-18T09:31:00.000Z

So I've been filled with apprehension and indecisiveness regarding sending in my application before the 31st of May. It's inexplicable really, and I was looking for reassurance from someone, anyone.

Then, I messaged Pam. Because I had a dream about her. Nothing eleborate, just simple sms exchanges, and then I realised that I will not alone because I have her. And I was comforted.

Then, I went to the doctor today to get the blood work sorted. For some strange reason, the doctor I always see was not around today. So his wife took over and we had a nice chat. A simple chat. And she told me that her cousin recently commenced study the very same place. And I was comforted.

There are somethings you just don't ignore.
Thank you, for guiding me.

Admin and Red Tape

2007-05-18T03:52:00.000Z

Scene from 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' featuring fat slobby aliens who work with the Galaxy's Immigration Department asking vistors to fill in form, after form, even forms for filling up new form.

What is it with administration?
I cannot believe that if one comes from a country that has english as its first language and having taken English and English Lit at O-levels and aceing them would still require one to take IELTS/TOFEL, just so all requirements for international applicants would be satisfied. Seriously! Sometimes I wish I have balls of steel like my mother who would fight this to the very end. Application processes are the worst.

Poop

2007-05-16T03:38:00.000Z

Month old birkenstocks gets its first treatement with steaming pile of shit.
Soles are made of porous cork material which does not bode well when shit is left to fester and turn crusty in musky shoe cabinet overnight. This means stink of shit would have permeated into cork soles and embed itself for future stink release.
Pain is when you think to yourself on the bus this morning that this particular pair of birkies are your most favourite, complete with faux bling, only to smell same stink you smelt last night and realise crusty shit is smeared all over sole and side of sandle.

PLEASE PICK UP ANIMAL POOP LEFT BY YOUR BELOVED PETS WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OUT FOR WALKS.

My remaining clean birkies and I thank you.

It's the Final Countdown

2007-05-15T02:12:00.000Z

10 more days. 10 more days till I am done with 6 hour long entrance exams.
27 more days. 27 more days till I bid farewell to night classes and end of term exams.
33 more days. 33 more days to Chiang Mai, spending time with my brother and doing jack all.

But meanwhile, focus! Darn it, focus!

We are not particularly good small talkers

2007-05-14T02:51:00.000Z

Sigur Ros's 2006 interview with Nick Duerden

...A few years to when Sigur Ros, Iceland's biggest band, played the 18,000-capacity Hollywood Bowl. Cruise wasn't the only A-lister there. Brad Pitt was also in attendance, as was Mötley Crüe's Tommy Lee. The X-Files's Gillian Anderson, meanwhile, who has since made it known that she never does yoga to anything but their exquisitely floaty music, went backstage to meet them. And not for the first time, either.

"No, it was the third, maybe fourth time," Sveinsson says, rolling an impossibly anorexic cigarette in the corner of a deserted Reykjavik bar on a freezing Monday night. "She was nice, but we are not particularly good small talkers, and we didn't know what to say. She stopped coming after that. What are you supposed to say to these people?"

The Healing of Silent Memories

2007-05-13T15:50:00.000Z

Mothers who have had abortions, experienced miscarriages and still births are often not given room to grieve. The Clinical Pastoral Education unit in Mount Alvernia Hospital is holding an informal memorial service in rememberance of the brief life that graced these women, and a short mass for them and their families/friends. If you know of anyone or have personally been through this lonely journey, I would like to extend a very warm welcome to you and ask you to join us. It is going to be a very private, personal and beautiful memorial. I hope to see you & your loved ones there. (To confirm your attendence and for us to put your name down on the list, please contact Geraldine)
Click on the picture to see details large

Kitchenaid Round 5

2007-05-12T03:27:00.000Z

aka Hip Unfriendly Morsels

In my mother's household, anyone who bakes using butter and sugar should be banished to a land full of organic vegetables, made to wear a furry rabbit suit with inward pointing spikes, starved, whipped into shape with celery sticks, with promises to renounce sugar. it is under these circumstances that I do not get to bake very often, and have to do a ninja and bake under the cover of night or when Lucy has left the building.

Anyway, the process of baking is what fascinates me, not so much the end product. I think it is a residual effect of childhood playdoh joy, effects of which I am trying to regain again for some odd reason. For kitchenaid round 5, I wanted to make some cookies, because there is nothing more comforting than the knowledge that you have a towering cookie jar full of cookies somewhere in your cupboard. I used the recipe named a very promising: Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies from Heaven.

Butter and dark muscovado sugar, turns from this, to...
...this, under the 'Planetary Mixing Action' (according to KitchenAid's manual) of the twisty beater. Then upon addition of peanut butter,
creamy swirls of fudge-like peanut butter batter presents.
The addition of all purpose flour and Ghirardelli chocolate chips changes fudge to a brown specked landscape
Then it is clockwork from here on. Roll, press, bake, roll press, bake, roll, press, bake.
Serve on plate for some fancy afternoon tea action or
as comfort food in your mother's 30 year old cookie jar.

These turned out pleasant and its rich buttery flavour will fix any rabid peanut butter craving. I realised that in order to appreciate the true flavour of a biscuit, it is imperative to let it cool completely before eating, rather than tasting them in less then their full glory and scalding your tongue in the process. All in all, they were fun to make and the standing mixer really makes the process of beating and mixing effortless. Thank you pistachio!

Useless Nugget

2007-05-10T15:18:00.000Z

According to a 'Animals have Sex!' book in Kinokuniya:

Giraffes have penises that are 5 metres is length, Elephants have 4 metre long ones, but elephants have larger girths.

I think elephants win.

Theatrics

2007-05-10T02:56:00.000Z

Manson's Site has been given a complete overhaul eversince the demise of his much anticipated film Phantasmagoria. I like, very much, for obvious reasons. It is very nice.

The official music video for his new track 'Heart-Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand)' can be watched HERE. Please be warned that it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK (Yes I do not want to be responsible for superiors peering over your shoulder accusing you of watching porn -Sorry hendri!) and frankly his canoodling with 19 year old Evan Rachel Wood makes me sick. Poor Dita. I can almost feel their dirty lust permeating across my screen. Rancid. The entire sequence with the mock blood is a tad trite Track is alright, music's good, though you could take the lyrics and use it together with some trashy pop track and I think it will work too. His earlier videos are still my favourites. Pure genius.